BLOG
A Welcome To SRPH
Congratulations on attending Shahzdobek Rahmonov Public Highschool, We are a prestigious public school that focuses on the students education and making sure that their learning experiences are great. We have an Overall class average of 98% graduation and we are an A rated high school and the best in our large county.
Rules of SRPH
SRPH has a very strict ruleset to make sure that the students are in a good learning environment. These rules are not controlling or impeding the students' education, but are put into place in order to keep the students happy and excited to learn everyday.
Rule 1. Be Respectful- It is extremely important to respect your teachers and fellow students as these are going to be the people around you for the rest of high school. It is also helpful to be able to have good terms since it will be able to create a good learning environment.
Rule 2. Be Humble- In order to be a good student, it is important to be very humble around your teachers and your fellow classmates and peers, here at SRPH, we have a very strict NO BULLYING policy and if you are ever caught bullying a student, you will be suspended for 3 days
Rule 3 Work Hard- Lastly, our third and last rule is to work hard, this is necessary to have a good high school experience, especially if you want to attend a prestigious university.
First week of School Tips
In your first week of school it is important to have a “survival guide” not only to help you learn better, but to help you have fun it is important to make friends, be on good terms with your teachers, and sit in a good area of the classroom.
Make Friends - These four years of school that are coming up, are going to be some of the best memories that you will have, especially with school events like homecoming or prom, for this reason it is important and good to establish a friend group
Classroom Decisions/Actions - Here at SRPH, we value and prioritize education and a good important tip for you would be to do things in the classroom that can make education and learning easier for you in the teacher so school stays interesting and fun.
B
In my leaflet, I used many linguistic choices to get my point across to the reader, I used simple vocabulary and spoke in the second person, urging the reader to do what I am telling them to do in order to have fun and a good time during the first week of high school.
I used a certain structure through the piece of writing in order to keep it short and interesting yet very informative on what the new student should do or expect. I also had small paragraphs and used lists or bullet points to show rules or some tips or ideas on what to do.
Lastly, the form that I used throughout my piece was in the form of a leaflet. It was used to inform readers about School and their experience in the first week, and overall introducing the school to the reader.
AO2: 6 marks
ReplyDeleteReading your response in part A, I can see a clear expression. However, the flow of the response is overall choppy and includes several long-running sentences. For example, both tips that were provided under the 'First week of School Tips' are exactly one sentence and include about 40 words in each. I did see an attempt to use a range of language that would heighten your response, however they were not implemented properly. It can also be made aware that there were frequent errors, though they generally did not impede communication. There were several instances where you misplaced commas or lacked commas in places that needed it, making the overall grammar aspect fall short. Taking a glance at your blog, I can see that you made an attempt to organize the text and your ideas in a structured and organized manner. You divided up your ideas through the use of headings to make the text more reader-friendly. Your content overall is relevant, as you answered the prompt and gave advice to the students. You did address the audience, however you did not necessarily create a relationship with the audience. By saying this, I mean that while you did try to connect to the audience, however it was not done effectively.
AO3: 2 marks
Your response to part B was far too short. You simply 'grazed' the elements of form, structure and language that could be seen in your text, rather than analyzing clearly of these elements. Because of this, I would say that you had a minimal analysis of form, structure and language. Although you stated that you used 'linguistic choices to get my point across to the reader,' your continued analysis of your writing was missing. Because of this, I would say that you had a minimal analysis of your stylistic choices.
AO2: 5/12 marks
ReplyDeleteThe expression is clear, however it is very repetitive and doesn’t flow that easily. You use “bullet points” to get across your main ideas, but before you have a paragraph that briefly explains everything that you have stated afterwards. In your rules or first week of school tips you should be writing about them more in detail and not just restate what you already said.
There are frequent grammatical and word choice errors throughout the writing, but it was still understandable. Commas are missing throughout the writing. For example, when you say, “In your first week of school it is important…”. After the word school a comma is needed. Articles, wrong verb form, and changing the wording of some words are needed. For example, you say, “...their experience in the first week, and overall introducing the school to the reader.” The word ‘introducing’ should be changed to ‘introduce’.
The text is on task and doesn’t stray off topic. However, the ideas in the writing aren’t generally displayed clearly as they are repetitive and the format of the “bullet point” made it hard to follow. If the structure of the way the “bullets” were written weren’t so crowded it would’ve flowed better.
AO3: 1/10
You barely touch on what you wrote about. In the first paragraph you talk about the structure of your sentence and the point of view, but don’t explain. What ‘simple vocabulary’? Why was using second person engaging the reader? In the second paragraph you talk about a ‘certain structure’. What is the structure you used? Why was using short sentences, lists, and bullet points effective in your writing? Yes, it showed your ideas but how did using these forms of structure reach the reader? You have a general idea just explain and be specific with what you are analyzing.
Overall 6/25 marks
Yo Ricardo!
ReplyDeleteAO2: Level 3 (7 Marks); I gave this score because I think that the text does not have any choppiness, however it doesn't quite flow since there was repetition. There were many uses of run on sentences and commas which did not vary the sentences. There are occasional errors such as “Public Highschool, We” and a capitalization error “We have an Overall class” although they do not impede communication since I know exactly what you are saying. The text is also organized well and I think the task is achieved.
AO3: Level 1 (1 Mark); I gave this score because the word count was below 600 words so that means that there was a very minimal analysis of form, structure and/or language AND a minimal analysis of how the writer’s stylistic choices relate to audience and shape meaning
Total: 8 Marks